E is for...Everything

I can't focus today...I keep starting this blog post and then stopping, backtracking, erasing what I just typed, and restarting again.  I was going to write about education, or embrace or emotions, but I couldn't wrap my head around any of those topics, so instead, I am choosing to write about everything.  Everything that is on my mind these days, everything that keeps me busy, everything that stresses me out...well, just everything.

Call it the Winter blues, but getting through a long, gray winter here in NJ puts me into a sort of sloth-like funk.  Even though we are officially in spring now, and even though April is a relatively calm month for me, I find myself thinking a lot about things that have to get done, and aren't necessarily getting done.  Appointments to reschedule. Letters to be mailed. Calls to be made.  CME to complete. Tables to be cleared. Laundry to be washed. Clutter to be put away.  Homework to be checked.  Playdates to be had.  Layouts to be made.  Seems that when I have a bit of a breather from the stress of work overload, I become paralyzed with inaction. It doesn't help that it's so cold out (and in!) that all I want to do is stay curled up in bed in my jammies.  Yes, the basics get done around here, but I find it very hard to get a lot accomplished and have a really productive day when there aren't deadlines looming in the very near future.  Of course, I've cut myself some slack these past couple of years since I had Adam...he certainly does his share to ensure that my attention is not distracted away from him for too long.  He's a busy toddler and a mischievous one, so I can't leave him alone for long before I hear "uh oh" from the next room.  So its usually me flying by the seat of my pants to get things done.   Not sure why this is, but at least I'm recognizing it. It's been this way as long as I can remember.  Even before Adam came along :-) In school, I waited until days (sometimes HOURS) before a project was due before starting it.  At work, I would rush to draw up a treatment plan just as I had to present it at Grand Rounds.  At home, I start thinking about dinner (let alone cooking it) close to when we should be eating.  And it's not like I didn't THINK about it up until that point--I have, and maybe even prepped for it in some way mentally--but to actual DO the thing that needs doing, well, for that I will wait.  Thing is, it's worked for me so far...I got A's in school, I worked hard and earned recognition at work, and at home, well, most days I can whip up a dinner in less than 30 minutes.  Unfortunately, although I work well under pressure, I don't enjoy the amount of stress such procrastination places on me. This year, my hope is to try to organize myself a little better--maybe start making lists--those tend to work for me, too...and there's the added benefit of checking things off the list that I get done and seeing with my own eyes what I've accomplished that day.

Of course, there are also the self-imposed things that are stressful and keep me busy, too.  Like this A to Z challenge.  It's my way of holding myself accountable so that I actually get something worthwhile completed each and every day.  Something I can look back on, something that STAYS DONE. I can spend a whole lot of time checking emails and looking at various websites on the computer while Adam plays or while dinner is cooking, but that doesn't always accomplish much.  By picking a challenge and making myself do it, I feel like something has actually gotten done!  That's why each February, May and October I take part in LOAD.  It's the LayOut A Day challenge that I commit to so that my beloved hobby of scrapbooking doesn't get lost in the busy-ness of life. Self-imposed stress?  Yes, but it makes me happy to see that "load" of layouts at the end of the month! Maybe I should impose a daily "clear the countertops" challenge in May? Nah, that wouldn't work...these self-imposed challenges need to be FUN--and besides, that's a LOAD month!!

Thanks for checking in...now I'm off to clear my tables in the scrap room since I just wrote about (and remembered that) LOAD is starting next month! SEE?  I'm getting ahead of the game already...